Goodbye Is The Hardest Word
by rkocena54
Summary: It's been 14 hours since Finn and Quinn broke up, and Quinn's having a hard time getting to sleep on her last night in the Hudson house. F/Q oneshot.


"Sorry. I didn't mean to wake you."

Funny how just the sound of her voice made Finn want to burst into tears.

"I just came to get my... My Snuffles"

She took her hand off her belly long enough to wave her hand in the general direction of the dingy stuffed pig sitting on the end of Finn's bed next to a plaid shirt.

"Oh. Y-Yeah. Sure."

Finn found it kinda odd that Quinn didn't go straight for Snuffles, instead standing still, leaning against the wall next to the door, avoiding Finn's eye.

The thing about Quinn Fabray was that she had three looks. One with her hair pulled back tight, her Cheerios uniform showing off her perfect body and a scowl on her face - that was Hot Quinn. The second was when she had her fringe secured by a bobby pin or a headband with a nice dress and a cardigan on - Cute Quinn. And the third, standing not three feet from the end of Finn's bed, hair unkempt and a hint of her pregnant belly being shown between her red tank top and pajama pants, the slither of moonlight shining through the window illuminating her in all the right ways... She was just _Quinn_, although sometimes Finn called her Beautiful Quinn. And she was staring him right in the eye now with the apologetic look he'd become accustomed over the last few days. That's not to say it didn't still make him feel bad for causing her any pain.

"So, you're leaving tomorrow."

It wasn't so much as a question than a conversation starter. He didn't really feel like talking to the girl who broke his heart, but Snuffles was still on the foot of his bed, and Quinn didn't look like she was leaving any time soon. That's when Finn started to realize it wasn't Snuffles she was here for.

"Yeah. I'm gonna stay at... Puck's house" she hesitated on the name, knowing that bringing him up in discussion was going to make Finn want to start punching things again. As if the hole in the cowboy wallpaper next to his dresser wasn't enough. And Finn wasn't even a puncher.

"Well, uh... I think Geoffrey's gonna miss Snuggles" Finn allowed himself to smile a little as he raised the aforementioned Geoffrey so Quinn could see him before tucking the small teddy bear back under the blanket. Quinn smiled a typical, genuine Quinn smile back and took a step closer to the bed.

Once the smile had faded from her face, she took another step forward, now just one step away from Snuggles and the end of Finn's bed. "Finn, I'm sorry"

Finn's face turned bitter as he looked away and he was sure Geoffrey didn't appreciate being squeezed like a lemon, but it was all Finn could do from crying or screaming again.

"I don't know what you want me to say, Quinn" He regained his eye contact with Quinn, but she looked away. After ten months they couldn't even look each other in the eye. "A part of me kinda just wants to find the words that are gonna hurt you..."

Quinn looked back at him, her face desperate and near-tears.

"The same way you hurt me."

"You don't think this is hurting me?" Quinn's laugh was skeptical.

To be honest, Finn hadn't actually considered how the break-up and having to lie about the baby had affected her. But he didn't need to be a genius, which he certainly wasn't, to see that she was hurting now. Even without saying anything, the look on her face alone told Finn more than he needed to know.

"Why, because I lost my virginity to your best friend? Because I told you I loved you even though I was lying right to your face for six months?" His words stung at Quinn, as if her conscience or the person growing inside her wasn't enough to remind her of what she'd done.

"I did love you Finn, I— I _do _love you."

"You know, I was honest with you. About everything. I told you when I went over to Rachel's house and you knew that she liked me and you knew what was going on. If I had've known you were..." He took a pause, not wanting to say the words out loud. It hurt enough just to think them. "I just don't know how you could do it"

"He got me drunk! I was really really drunk and—" She knew Finn was going to interrupt her before he did, so she almost paused so he could. Blaming Puck wasn't going to help, she knew that, but she'd never really had to take responsibility for much in her life. Blaming Puck was the only thing she could think to do.

"No amount of alcohol in the world could've made me hurt you that much." What upset Quinn the most was that she knew he was right. She wasn't an idiot, she knew Finn had kissed Rachel before, but she also knew he'd felt bad about he after every time, and she had the mini teddy bear collection to prove it. Guilt was one of the many emotions Quinn hadn't been familiar with until she started dating Finn, but she was definitely making up for it now.

There was a silence, but it was shortly filled with the scuffling of Quinn's socks on the floor as she walked to the side of Finn's bed, sitting herself down near his hand, which had subconsciously cleared a spot for her.

"Can we be in love again?" Her voice was barely audible, but Finn had been staring at her, focusing on her delicate features so intently that if he read lips, he would've heard her as clear as a bell.

Unfortunately he didn't.

"What?"

"Nothing." Quinn covered up her true intentions with a fake smile, like she'd always been taught to by her parents, and started the long journey of getting up off the bed, a skill she had somewhat lost since being pregnant.

"Q..."

One letter and the feeling of his hand over hers on the bed made Quinn stop short, barely off the mattress, and tear up.

"Finn I'm so sorry" As she burst into tears, she dropped her head down, buried into Finn's shoulder. He closed his eyes, stroking her hair with the hand that wasn't holding Geoffrey, all common sense thrown out the window. He wasn't controlling his body anymore, his heart was.

It wasn't long, however, before his brain was back in charge, sitting up and pulling away from Quinn until she too sat up again.

"Quinn, I can't do this! I just can't." Although she'd pulled away at his words, Quinn quickly leant in again, this time planting a soft kiss on Finn's cheek, her face lingering near his longer than the sensible part of him would've liked.

"I'm sorry, but you need to go. Just go, and then tomorrow, you'll be gone, and..."

Quinn nodded slowly, once again refusing to meet his eye. She couldn't do that without wanting to kiss him and she knew if she did that he'd hate her more than he already did.

"It's okay. I understand that you don't love me anymore" Her eyes filled with tears and a tiny fake-smile appeared on her lips, just like it always did when she was upset.

Finn closed his eyes, his heart and brain finally agreeing on refusing to watch her walk away, knowing it meant the end.

"Quinn..." He didn't open his eyes until a few moments later. She was standing in the doorway, the light from the hallway behind her making her appear as a silhouette. Even so, he could still see the hopefulness in her big, round eyes.

"I do still love you. That's what sucks the most." His voice was quietest it had been all night, and Quinn knew that meant he was being sincere. Ten months with a person will get you that. She leant against the door frame, hand on her belly, and, call it a 'fatherly instinct', but Finn could tell their—_her_ daughter was kicking again.

"But I can't trust you."

They stared at each other for what felt like years before it finally became too much for Quinn, and she retreated to the guest room downstairs for the last time.

The next day, she was gone.


End file.
